Plain English, please!

It’s long been a bugbear of mine that people don’t use proper English in their everyday lives any more. And it’s getting worse; acronyms, abbreviations and colloquialisms abound. Many of them are due to text-speak, in itself a non word but completely descriptive of a pandemic which is sweeping our society.

Why get in a sweat about it, I hear you say, there are far worse things happen! Yes, there are, but as we become an ever more multi-cultural society being able to make ourselves understood to our fellow countrymen will become more and more important, and the best way to do that is to use a standard form of language that we all understand and which is grammatically correct.

I don’t mean that we have to be phobic about correctness to ‘A’ level grammar standards and that we should all be able to describe what a subjunctive verb is. Nor do I mean we should all be able to use fancy English or punctuate our speech with the odd Latin phrase which if anything, often obscures our meaning more than incorrect English.

All I mean is that we should use English properly and do not bastardise it due to laziness, a desire to be trendy or a need to show how clever we are.

Two things at the opposite ends of the spectrum have irritated me intensely this week.

The other evening, we were sitting in a restaurant and a couple arrived slightly later and were seated next to us. Not only did the young woman (American) have verbal diarrhoea but she also punctuated her sentences to her boyfriend (English) with frequent mentions of the word ‘like’. “It was like, really difficult because like, there were like, ten people in front of me and like, I was in a hurry”. Even worse, the guy, who as a Brit should have known better, did exactly the same thing.

This really is one of my pet hates – either there were ten people, or there weren’t. How can it be 'like' ten people? Either it was really difficult or it wasn’t. How can it be 'like' really difficult?

Then, when they ordered their food, instead of saying “Please may I have ….” They both said “Can I get….”. Yes, of course you can get it. Get up out of your chair, pop into the kitchen and help yourself.

At the over clever end of the spectrum of inappropriate or incorrect English, I have just finished reading the latest book written under the pseudonym of a very popular author. It’s really very good; strong plot, well drawn characters and fast paced. But despite all that, it was ruined, ever so slightly, by being punctuated with obscure descriptive words which despite what I consider to be my excellent education and reasonably high level of understanding of the English language, I don’t know the meaning of and would need to look up in a highbrow dictionary. As a consequence the author, instead of being thoroughly entertaining, has been slightly annoying.

There are also, of course, all sorts of abbreviations and text-speak words which our children know the meaning of and we don’t. For ages I thought LOL meant ‘Lots of love’. It doesn’t, of course, it means ‘laugh out loud’ as I found out to my cost when I used it in what it turns out was an inappropriate way.

There are countless other examples of this. And to what end? Just so you can save 10 seconds every now and then by not typing out proper words? So you can fit your meaningless message into the designated number of characters that your mobile carrier allows?

Why are we sending so many texts any way? We used to manage without such instant messaging and contact previously, and we were probably all much happier for it. My children sit at the table with their mobile phones constantly checking them for messages or the latest hot information to the extent that they have forgotten not only their manners but also how to have a civilised conversation. What do we think we are missing if we are parted from our phones for half an hour? Most of the time it’s not going to be anything earth shattering, that’s for sure.

I think it is time for a return to good old fashioned grammar and spelling lessons in schools and the use of colloquialisms and trendy words or abbreviations should be banned. Perhaps if we return to using proper language, we will return to proper manners and a better understanding of our fellow men. Whilst encouraging innovation and creativity, we should be less tolerant of individualism for trendiness sake instead of indulging those that simply do not wish to conform and by not doing so, influence our young people to the worst.

I know it’s old fashioned, and I know it would be unpopular, but to me the poor use of the English language is part of the steady erosion of our society, a removal of the glue which holds it together.

Is that too fanciful?

(BTW, if you disagree, you have my permission to LOL and get back to me).