Dentists - agents of Satan.....?

We all have our favourite pet hates when it comes to professions. For some people it’s bankers, for some politicians, maybe estate agents, lawyers or accountants or for others, like me, it’s dentists. And hygienists.

I hate going to the dentist with a vengeance. It’s expensive, uncomfortable and you get an unwanted lecture into what a bad, unhygienic person you are and how you must have appalling eating habits or personal hygiene. “Look” says the hygienist sticking a sharp implement into your gums, “It’s bleeding”. “Yes”, you reply grimacing, “It damn well is now”.

The frequency with which we visit the dentist often doesn’t (in my opinion) make any difference to whether you have good or bad teeth or gums. The Hubby diligently goes to the dentist every six months for a check up and a lecture by the hygienist. Personally, I think he was brainwashed by his ex sister-in-law who was a dentist and was married to a dentist. He seems to be of the view that if he doesn’t go somehow or other that makes him into a bad person and all his teeth will rot, go black and fall out.

As for me, on the other hand, well I haven’t been to the dentist for years. I did pop in about 18 months ago for a quick check up when I had a sore gum, was just about to go on holiday and didn’t fancy having to go for emergency treatment at a Greek dentist's surgery, but that aside, it must be at least seven years since I went for anything at all.

There is a reason for this. I am not afraid of blood, drills, needles, weird masks or chemical substances but I have a pathological fear of too many things in my mouth which, because I have a very strong gagging reflex, make me want to retch. Yes, I simply cannot stand anyone putting anything I don’t want them to into my mouth (ribald jokes, now, please, get them out of the way before we go any further!) In particular, I am up and out of that chair in a flash if I see those little rectangular things they tuck into your cheeks to take an x-ray coming towards me. God, I feel sick even just thinking about it!!

Taking all that into account, who do you think has spent the most emergency time at the torturer’s surgery and spent the most money on dental work in the past few years? Yep, you got it in one! The Hubby has spent a fortune on various fillings, caps and whatever despite the fact that he goes along religiously, brushes at least twice a day, flosses and uses mouthwash. I do all that stuff at home (well, not the flossing. Bloody stuff gets stuck between my teeth, even the waxed version) and despite my ‘just once in seven years’ visit when no work was done, I have no problems.

So is there really anything in the assertion (put about by dentists, of course) that we must get along and get our teeth checked out regularly or they will all fall out and we will all become diseased, ugly, toothless crones and hags? Personally, whilst regular check ups appear to be eminently sensible for children up to the age of maybe 16, for adults I don’t think so. I think that as long as you have good personal hygiene habits which include regular oral routines, and you have practised those good habits from childhood, then you shouldn’t need to go. You don’t go to the doctor for preventative visits, so why should you go to the dentist? It’s all a con to justify their enormous charges and buy their next Jag or next seven star holiday in Bermuda.

Toothache, or any sort of oral pain is, of course, almost some of the worst you can experience without having a life threatening condition. And when you do have a problem a good dentist, like a good emergency doctor, can be like an angel from heaven. But let’s get this in perspective and recognise the brainwashing for what it is.

And I’m not going, even though you’ve written to me this week and ticked me off for not attending an appointment in ages or finishing a ‘prescribed’ course of treatment (what treatment? I don’t remember that!). So there!