There's nothing on the telly!

The last two blogs I have written have been about TV programmes and I have sung their praises. But I have to say, they are in the minority. As Terry Wogan used to say on his radio show, "There's nothing on the telly". And by and large he was right.

Mostly, it is unadulterated rubbish. Improbable soaps where no one is ever happy and every misery known to man happens within the space of one year, badly acted American imports or endless repeats of classic comedies. Satellite telly is no better; more comedy repeats, inadequate American crime shows which have probably bombed on one yankie cable channel or another, out of date documentaries  and obscure minority sports which only a handful of anoraks watch.

We spend our time recording the very few shows we enjoy or think might be worth a go and then watching them on our few precious nights in. Which means if we aren't in the mood for an Italian moody detective and that's all that is on the Sky box, we have to resort to a DVD. We've watched most of them several times and they have lost their novelty somewhat, so in the end we turn the telly off and listen to music.  I really am coming round to the view - well not really but almost - that we could do without a TV and just listen to the radio, catching up with the few things we want via i-player on the computer. Strictly speaking we'd have to have a TV licence still, but who'd know? Well, I suppose all you lot reading this would now, but no one that really mattered in that respect.

However that's not going to happen - we still have teenagers who thrive on a diet of crap American drama and soaps, or take a voyeuristic thrill from cheap documentaries such as Police, Camera, Action! I have a small granddaughter that thinks Dora the Explorer is the best thing since sliced bread and worships at the shrine of Peppa Pig. Being able to fill the time occasionally with C Beebies or Nikolodeon can be a lifeline.

Quality dramas are few and far between. And I don't know why, because there is no shortage of classic material out there to draw on and surely it cannot be more expensive than importing stuff from abroad. Quality drama is usually where the beeb triumphs with only a few exceptions, Downton Abbey being one. Stephen Fry can be as sniffy as he likes about Downton, I think its brilliant and frankly I'd have loved to live the life of an aristo with servants and ball gowns.

I am just whiling the time away watching the Hairy Bikers Bake-athon, would you believe, because there is nothing else to watch and I wanted some background TV while I was writing this. But it's awful, and those grating Geordie accents are really getting up my nose. Excuse me, must get up and change the channel....

Best Christmas film ever!

I am in the middle of watching the best Christmas film of all time. It's nothing highbrow, cultured or with amazing special effects or big stars. It's the Muppet Christmas Carol, which I love. Of course it stars the ever watchable Michael Caine, who has made films on many occasions (it would seem ) simply to pay the bills as well as making some corking entertainment. It must have taken some guts to make a film otherwise cast entirely from puppets including a genetically modified frog, an irritable diva pig and talking vegetables.

I've never really worked out why I love this movie so much. It may be because it is based on wonderful story telling which, because Dickens wrote his novels originally to be serialised in the popular press, is digestible and understandable (unlike some Shakespeare, which requires dedication). It may be because I loved the Muppets back in the 70s and 80s, with their cruel and well observed humour and predictable characters. Or it may be because it is simply colourful entertainment, gentle and without aggression, bad language, any attempts to moralise (although of course Christmas Carol is, essentially, a tale of morals) but with stacks of visual and verbal humour.

Jim Henson was a clever man. So was Frank Oz. They should by rights still be earning good money from this (or their estates should - at least one of them, sadly, is dead) and future generations should be made to watch it every year. Never mind Sound of Music and It's a Wonderful Life, for me they don't even come close.

The telly hasn't been too bad this year and there have been a few decent programmes on (Downton Abbey & Sherlock to name but two) but not many decent films. I think MCC was on Sky, but I missed it, so I've bought myself the DVD. And some of the characters remind me irresistably of people I know or have known - I know a big bumbling bear of a man that resembles Fozzie, and I know several old boys who have a resemblence to the two old men that heckle from the balcony, and there was once a boyfriend very similar to Animal. Over the years there have also been one or two people that remind me of Miss Piggy! But so far, no one that really resembles Kermit (I don't know many green people with webbed feet).

So I'm going to immerse myself in the film with total pleasure, because it may be some time before I watch it again. It's a winter thing really, not something that seems right in summer. There must be a summer film which fits the same bill, but I can't think of one at the moment. Can anyone else? Or do you have another winter film which is your all time favourite? Bet nothing tops this one!