Normally, I try to cover it up....

I’ve just done one of those ‘no make up selfie’ things which are doing the rounds for the cancer charities. As I’m working at home today (I am, really!) I haven’t bothered doing my hair either, so it’s a bit of a double whammy.

I don’t always wear make up, certainly not when I’m just bumming around the house. When I do bother by using at least some tinted moisturiser, mascara and lippy, I invariably forget to refresh it during the day and so by 5pm you don’t know I’m wearing any, anyway. The occasions when I wear full proper makeup and do my hair to look really respectable can probably be counted on my fingers.

It’s a funny thing isn’t it, our cosmetic mask. Putting it on increases our confidence and self esteem, and not wearing it, especially in public, makes us feel vulnerable.

The degree to which we feel that varies, of course. And I think it changes with age; when I was younger I wouldn’t have dreamed of going out without make up even for the most routine of shopping trips. Now, most of the time I can’t be arsed and nip down to Morrisons as natural as the day I was born, spots, thread veins and all. I’ve never understood the women I see on my daily commute sitting on the train and slathering loads of the stuff all over their faces as the train is moving. It jogs and jerks and if it were me I’d end up with mascara all down my cheek or poking the wand in my eye (mind you I am prone to doing that any way). If it’s really so important to you to look immaculately made up, then get up 15 minutes earlier and so it in a civilised way in front of a mirror with proper lights.

The scary thing about this selfie I’ve just taken, which of course is completely unflattering and at a weird angle as I try and peer into my iphone camera lens and look nonchalant, is how much like my mother I look. I’ve always known there were some very strong genetic traits there in the shape of the lower face and nose, but when made up they can be hidden and disguised quite effectively. Without that, they become the dominant feature and if you stood me next to my mother, aunt, grandmother and great grandmother (all no longer with us of course, so they wouldn’t be looking their best) it would be blindingly obvious that we were closely related.

Most of the time, I think I look a little like a bag lady. I dress for comfort and often for dog walking when I get covered in hair and mud, dislike things that are tight or too restrictive and shop for quite a bit of my daily wear from Primarni, which is all very well, until you wash it a few times (I do have standards though, my knickers still come from M&S). My age has meant that my skin, hair and so on has regressed back to its teenage state and is totally unpredictable and unreliable, a bit like most men. I seem to have shadows and bags under my eyes most of the time, and constantly be suffering from some minor ailment or another. The times when I look my scintillating, ravishing best and most gorgeous are becoming fewer and fewer. I’m told, when the next few years are over, that those times will return. Let’s hope so.

The make up free selfie campaign is for charity. The idea is that you text a number to donate three quid, take your photo and upload it to Facebook for everyone to laugh at you. Maybe men should do it too – instead of ‘no make up’ it could be ‘unshaven and hung over’. Now that’s got to be worth a few quid and a good laugh, hasn’t it?