Today (19th September) if I had remained married to Hubby Number One, I would have been married for thirty one years. I was 20 when I got married, and I thought I knew it all. Yeah, right!
A lot has happened in those thirty one years, some of it good and some of it pretty shitty. I have made and lost friends on the way and have learned a great deal.
Twenty was, of course, far too young. Looking back with the wisdom of middle age, at 20 you are still a baby in many ways. I think it should be law to have to live with someone for at least two years, or live away and independently from your smothering parents for that long, before you commit to something as serious as marriage. Nothing prepares you for the shock of leaving the family bosom and having to fend for yourself.
Of course these days teenagers are much more worldly than I ever was, and when I look back I was incredibly square and unaware of the ways of the world even by standards in the 70s. I mean for God’s sake, my 18th birthday party was in my parents’ lounge with them and their neighbours as the principal guests! Not one contemporary, not even my close friend from college Fizz Currie (actually she can’t have been that close as she buggered off to Uni and I never heard from her again!) (Oh, and her proper name was Felicity and she was mad about cats).
I have made some monumental mistakes in the past thirty one years, but I suppose it is all credit to me that I can recognise that and admit it. Hubby Number Two is perhaps the most monumental of all, and my excuse is that I was suffering so much backlash from my divorce from so called ‘friends’ that any port in a storm seemed attractive. And I have certainly paid for my mistakes, both emotionally and financially.
One thing that 24 years of turmoil (the amount of time since my first divorce) shows you is who your true friends are, and I think I can count them on the fingers of one hand. Yes I know a lot of people, but true friends have been hard to find. It is disappointing that I have so few but I think I am being more truthful when I say that then most people are who say “Oh, I have hundreds of friends”. True friends will tell you what they think but not be judgemental, will be there for you in times of trouble, stand up for you if necessary and will not gossip and spread nastiness about you even in fun. How many people can you honestly say that about? At the last count I had over 100 Facebook friends, but really that’s a misnomer; most of them are acquaintances and very nice people to boot, but they don’t fall into the definition I have just given.
Despite my somewhat chequered marital escapades, I think I’ve got it right this time, even if it did take me three attempts. The Hubby puts up with me, supports me, provides advice, affection and cuddles when needed, and is generally a good chap. He thinks like me (although he thinks I am also slightly bonkers) and even if he goes about things somewhat differently, has a common view of the desired end result. We have been married for nine years this year, and they have been the best nine years of my life.
Long may it continue.
Congrats on the anniversary! Mine was yesterday, married 13 years, 3 great kids and the fourth on the way. I remember quite vividly your divorce from No.1 and the explosive fall-out that came down, mainly on your shoulders. I also remember my eyebrows hitting the ceiling when you announced your intentions with No.2, but let's leave it at that....
ReplyDeleteI have many similarities, although my divorce from my first wife did not have the impact that your did. However, it was my greatest mistake, marrying on the rebound and not thinking it through. The ironic thing is, if I hadn't married no. 1, I wouldn't have met No.2, something that still makes we shudder even to this day. You old man is a good guy, obviously slightly insane to be able to live with you and I wish you both continued happiness.