Top tips for harmonious commuting.....

Below are a few tips for commuters to have a harmonious journey and avoid irritating your fellow man to the point of homicide….

1. Always, but always, carry a hanky or tissues. Even if you do not have a cold, your nose can run for all sorts of reasons and they are useful for mopping up spilled coffee, too.

2. Turn off the annoying beep which happens when you push the buttons on your mobile. You may have your headphones on, but we can hear it.

3. Turn your music down. I don’t care if hip hop, techno, garage and rap are best played at ear splitting volume. I don’t like it, and I don’t want to listen to it.

4. Do not try to walk across a crowded concourse whilst texting, scrolling through your music list or messages or continuing to read your ipad, kindle, book or newspaper. Put your head up and LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING!

5. If you must stand in the doorway of the train or tube, GET OUT OF THE WAY when it reaches a station so others can get on or off.

6. Do not squeeze yourself between other people that have had the courtesy to remove their rain soaked coats without taking yours off too.

7. Do not use up all the miserable allocation of table space with your laptop, newspaper or ridiculously large tote bag. Those facilities are there for all of us, and I want my share.

8. Do not stop immediately at the top or bottom of flights of stairs and gaze round aimlessly. There are about a thousand people behind you, all trying to get up/down/out/in. If you are lost, stand to one side, find a map or ask someone in a lurid fluorescent jacket for help. Similarly, do not dawdle – YOU ARE IN THE WAY.

9. Do not brush your long, flicky hair on the crowded train so that hair, dandruff and God knows what goes all over other people. It’s unhygienic. Either wait until you get to work, or get up two minutes earlier and do it at home.

10. Do not converse loudly either to a friend or on the phone about intimate, personal information or brag about your latest business deal or how important you are. It is embarrassing and frankly, you are not that interesting. Try to be discreet.

Finally, and this is the ultimate tip of all about commuting, if you can avoid it, DON’T DO IT!