My mouth hurts.....

I have toothache. Or, to be more accurate, I have pain in my mouth near my teeth.

I don’t actually think it is toothache per se. I’ve had that before, and it’s like having a hammer drill going at it in your mouth all the time and at double speed when you dare to move your head.

This, I think, is just an enormous ulcer at the back of my mouth where my embedded wisdom teeth leave a teensy gap between the gum and the fleshy part of my cheek. I’ve had a good gawp at it in a very bright light this morning (you know, in front of the mirror with a torch, pulling a sort of gurning competition face with my mouth stretched out) and that’s what it looks like, almost like some sort of giant, pulsating, slimy protuberance with a life of its own. Disgusting, isn’t it?

I have started to assault it with Corsodyl mouth wash (foul, but effective), a Corsodyl spray and some sort of industrial strength Bonjela type substance called Gingigel. Also rather foul, but something which in the past I have found effective.

I always do this for at least a fortnight before I even think of going to the dentist unless the pain is excruciating and preventing me living my life. I have a fear and hatred of visits to the dentist which is not equalled by my feelings about anything else associated with the normal routine of life. I have blogged before about my complete failure to see the need for six monthly or even annual checkups so long as you have good oral hygiene and don’t regularly crack your enamel on packets of rock hard pork scratchings. You don’t go to the doctors for a routine check up, so why the dentist? Just go when you have something wrong with you, for goodness sake.

The Hubby, who was brainwashed by his dentistry practising (and subsequently rich) ex sister in law, always goes along like a good little boy for his checkups and annual lecture from the hygienist. But it’s all to no avail; he has had more trouble with his teeth in the past five years than I have had in the whole of my five decades.

I am not afraid of needles, drills or anaesthetic. What I hate (really, really hate) is ‘things’ intruding into my mouth (ribald jokes now – come on, get them over with). I have a very strong gagging reflex, and just one little metal implement poking around my gums makes me retch. And as for those little square things they put into your cheeks to take x-rays , well, I’m outta there!

So I won’t be going to the dentist, at least not unless I really have to. My self help remedies from Boots have always worked so far, even if I have had to persist for a few days and run the risk of being a drooling slime monster when out in public as my mouth produces more saliva to cope with and try to counteract the alien presence growing within.

Increasing mouth ulcers and gum issues seem to be yet another thing which is increasing with my ‘certain age’. There is a definite link between when these things happen and other biological happenings, on a regular basis. And these are the things no one tells you about; yes, they tell you about hot flushes, mood swings, erratic monthly cycles etc, but not about an upset digestive system, aches and pains and dentistry difficulties.

I tell you, it’s a pain in the arse being a woman in her fifties – you blokes have it easy!