We all love office training sessions. don't we?

I’m just off to deliver a training session.

In a previous life, I worked as a regional training officer for Barclays Bank (and look what a mess they got into afterwards) and I do quite enjoy standing on my feet in front of a crowd with a good set of notes, the facts at my fingertips and ‘performing’.  That will come as no surprise to those of you that know me, of course!

It’s a funny old thing, office training. Often (not always, but usually) the participants are reluctant and see other things as far more important than sitting in front of one of their senior managers who is spouting on about something they consider inconsequential and nothing to do with them. Therefore they rarely engage, reasoning that if they ask questions or show interest the session will be prolonged and keep them away from whatever else they think they should be doing for longer than absolutely necessary.

Just occasionally I have been to a training course which has proved stimulating, exciting and informative. They are the exception, and when I deliver a course I always try to emulate that and be animated and inclusive; there’s nothing more boring than sitting listening to someone speak for hours without variety. If it’ll only take 20 minutes, don’t pad it out for an hour and never, ever subject your audience to death by PowerPoint.

This afternoon’s session is to tell staff about a benchmarking exercise they have to take part in for a four week period in the run up to Christmas. It involves extra work, which is never popular, so I have a selling job to do. It involves completing data in a spreadsheet, which is also generally unpopular unless you are an anoraky statistician, which none of them are, so a bit of an uphill struggle.

By and large, I have discovered that Town Planners think town planning is the centre of the universe and nothing else that is not on their ethereal plain matters. The fact that they may be a costly resource, slow or inefficient is an alien concept to them, much like giving a decent level of polite and helpful customer care. One or two are particularly arrogant (I blogged about them a few weeks back) and if they think that you are not similarly qualified to them will treat you like doggie doos on their shoe- they have come unstuck in the past doing that to me (I'm actually more highly qualified than most of them), and so I doubt will try it again. This benchmarking could be seen as a threat, as it will expose their shortcomings as well as celebrate what they are doing well at.

But I’m a good trainer (not just my personal opinion by the way, I have been told so by others). I enjoy doing it, I make sure I’m properly prepared and I don’t just read off the slides. I use humour and invite participation. I will be highlighting the benefits and mentioning, although playing down, the disadvantages. So it should be OK.

So, off to the lions den! I should say that if I live to blog another day, it’s been OK. If you never hear from me again, you will know that they have eaten me alive!

Only four total d***heads? Is that all? Really?

There are four people in my office, which comprises about 120 very different individuals, whom I really cannot abide. At least two of them make my flesh crawl just by being in the room. All four are men.

Why do I hate them so much (I think the feeling is mutual, by the way)? Well, here we go, let’s air all my prejudices and dislikes:-

1)    A raging Queen obvious to all to see, but not out and proud and in total public denial. Throws full blown tantrums over ridiculously minor stuff and is totally change averse.

2)    A dinosaur stuck in the 60’s who calls women ‘chicks’ and ‘babes’, wears hush puppies and corduroy jackets and has hair which is creeping over his collar leaving a slightly greasy neckline. Rarely does any work, and whatever you try to talk to him about, says it’s the first he’s heard of it. The first flesh crawler!

3)    A fat arrogant slob who, despite being just a junior planner and having vastly less experience and knowledge, thinks he is better than and more qualified than me and is staggeringly rude at every opportunity. This one is the second flesh crawler.

4)    An up-his-arse urban designer who has managed to get away with doing very little for several years and thinks he’s God’s gift, and so makes a full time occupation out of being a total knob!

Most people I can tolerate in fairly close proximity and most of the time probably can ignore fairly effectively. These four, I bristle just at the sight of and they can annoy me by simply walking into a room.

I know it’s irrational, and I know it’s unreasonable to feel like this, but it’s just the way it is. Perhaps it stems from the fact that I am charged with bringing about organisational change and don’t have any time to suffer fools (as those of you that know me well will be aware of) and in my early days these four were the main protagonists and blockages to modernisation, so we crossed swords fairly regularly. I don’t know; I can’t explain it and no matter how hard I try, cannot shake off the feelings. They’re with me to stay.

In contrast, there are a few people that I like a lot and who, despite varying degrees of incompetence and annoyingness, it is impossible to be cross with for long if at all. There’s simply no sense to it at all!

I acknowledge of course, that there is very little I can do to change these people and probably nothing, so I have to find coping strategies for them and most of the time that comprises ignoring them as much as possible. When pushed, I have to force myself to listen to what they say because maybe, just maybe, they may have a valid point in a discussion, but it’s a struggle because in my head, before they start they have no credibility.

There must be people like them in every office, and we must all, if we work, have colleagues we feel similarly about. Please someone tell me I’m not alone! I know I’m not the most tolerant of other people and most of the time would rather spend my life in glorious isolation, but generally speaking I manage to rub along with most including a complicated and awkward family. So I don’t think it’s me. But then there must be a common denominator, so perhaps it is?

I’ll probably never know, because most people are not blessed with the gift of honesty and won’t say what they think. Why can’t we just be straightforward from time to time, and if someone is being a total dick just tell them instead of nodding politely and then slagging them off behind their backs. It might at least make the workplace more lively!