Dennis Waterman has recently stirred up a hornets' nest by talking about the domestic abuse that he inflicted on his then wife in the 90's, Rula Lenska. Neatly shifting the blame he has said that "It is easy for a woman to make a man hit her".
Now let's be clear about something here. Using physical violence towards another human being either in anger or simply to subdue and by so doing causing injury is simply not acceptable in any way, shape, form or circumstance.
And now I am going to contradict myself, showing what a minefield this is and how personal values can be very different. I am not a pacifist, and would support wars if the motivation was right and the benefits were in line with my personal beliefs. I do not support war which seeks to impose our beliefs on others, but I would support one which sought to protect us from imposition by others. I do not support violence to impose a set of circumstances on others, but I would support using force to protect me and mine from such imposition by others. So you see it is a fine line between what we feel we can accept and live with, and what we can't.
I did smack my children when they were younger to impose discipline, and it doesn't seem to have done them any harm. Never hard and never to cause injury, but enough to be a clear negative consequence for bad behaviour. They don't seem emotionally scarred or physically harmed and they appreciate how important good behaviour is in all different circumstances. My oldest daughter is imposing similar strict discipline on my granddaughter, and rightly so.
But Dennis has stepped over a line with his comments, which imply that men cannot help themselves when they resort to physical violence because women are too strident or difficult. Men using their physical size and strength to subdue women who are usually much weaker can never be justified and should never be glamourised. Nor should men be allowed to totally abdicate their responsibility for their actions which, when revealed, should be vilified by everyone, as indeed Dennis's comments have been.
Not everyone is reasonable of course, and many will not listen to verbal persuasion. Still not an excuse to lash out. And those that act violently towards others with no provocation at all deserve every punishment they get.
I have been fortunate in my life never to have experienced domestic violence or street violence. I have never been mugged, assaulted, hit or abused. I hope that I'm not tempting fate! I am lucky - the statistics for domestic violence are horrendous and many, many women suffer it. It is no respecter of class, wealth or status. It is abhorrent, and should be treated as such.
Dennis should be ashamed.
Sadly, it is a blight upon all men when domestic violence rears its ugly head and comments like Waterman's do nothing to help the situation. I once hit a woman, in self defence and in an attempt to give her some pause to think about the consequences of her actions against me. However, I do not think I could of carried through any further and it really was my last resort. I can therefore, in the most extreme of circumstances, understand that violence is and should remain a man's last resort, if and only if, he believes his safety is threatened. It should also be noted that men can be victims of physical abuse within a relationship as well. All this being said, you are absolutely right. When taken in context, no man should regard violence as a solution, a demonstration of his power or as a means of persuasion. Men beating on their partners is just not acceptable and there is always an alternative. Women can be infuriating, argumentative, stubborn, unreasonable and downright nasty but a man has always had an alternative to physicality - walking away. All reasonable men condemn Waterman for his comments and would never contemplate striking the woman he loves - it just doesn't make sense.
ReplyDeleteYou're right of course. I had someone working for me until very recently who was a battered husband! And yes, women can be all those things you say, but don't you still love us?
ReplyDeleteWe do!
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