Never judge - next time it might be you!

I’ve just had a bit of a rant on Facebook about judgemental people. A friend responded by asking what had prompted my rant, and the answer is nothing in particular, at least not one single event. It really is the case of the straw that breaks the camel’s back being insignificant in itself, but cumulatively being too much. If I were to write here what has caused my rant today, it would seem insignificant and pathetic. But it has pushed me over the edge.

Despite some brilliant things happening recently (a fabulous panto with a great cast and crew, Christmas and being spoiled by The Hubby, a nice New Year’s Eve dinner with good friends and so on) the last few months, in fact the last eighteen months, have been a catalogue of difficult situations and people, and one crisis after another. Little niggle has piled on top of little niggle and a very small number of people have been quite cruel and unkind. Even the most stoic person would eventually buckle. And despite some very difficult situations being resolved, lots of extra effort being expended on my part and some great achievements, not one single person has had the grace to say ‘thank you’.

I am not renowned for my patience, and have never suffered fools, but one thing that my somewhat chequered life has taught me is that you should never judge others without knowing the facts, because you just don’t know what happens behind their front doors and in their lives. Also going through two divorces, several job changes and challenges, dealing with acrimonious ex's, children and step children and forging a comfortable home for them all in reasonable harmony, financial ups and downs (very much ‘down’ at the moment) and coping with a parent who completely failed to love, understand and support me has taught me compromise and also which are the battles it is worth fighting. I have never had counselling, because I am unconvinced of its benefits (and if you need to have it for years then clearly it doesn't work, does it?) but that doesn't mean I don't feel bad about things.

This week there have been one or two things which have been those final straws. It hasn’t been helped by the fact that I haven’t felt very well (I always get ill after panto), the weather has been rubbish and there is a very stressful reorganisation going on at work as a result of which I am forced into making people who do not deserve it, redundant.

I have been judged all my life. Because I speak plainly (a trait which I get from my Dad and which is both a blessing and a curse) I tell people unpalatable truths. Very few people can cope with such things, preferring to live in a little bubble of niceness where no one says what they think or tells them what they ought to hear, instead telling them what they want to hear and dressing things up.

Another trait I get from my parents is I don’t make friends easily; having been let down by so many people throughout my life in different ways I automatically put up a brittle barrier which deflects approaches and stops people getting close. That can, I know, come across as harshness and people that don’t bother to find their way through slag me off behind my back. People have done just that over the years and smiled to my face. If they think I don’t know, or that it doesn’t hurt, then they’re wrong. I know who you are, I will never trust you, and it hurts very much.

Definitely, my few months ‘out’ is now long overdue. For the immediate future, I have a small, close circle of friends whom I trust and a wonderful man who cares for me and gives me the odd reality check. It’s time I focussed on them instead of trying to split myself in too many directions and at least for now I ought to stop worrying about the opinions and views of others. Due to our circumstances the future might look very different soon, and I need to be prepared. There are new things I want to do, and existing things and acquaintances I need to think hard about.

That won’t be a panacea, but it will be a step in the right direction.

Not what Facebook's for!

I've been on Facebook for quite a while now, and it's a very useful tool for keepng up to date with what's going on and what other people, who you may not often actually see but know well(ish), are up to.

But this morning I lost my rag at something I read on the feed from Kevin Black's County Border News page where several Tandridge residents were complaining about the new recycling service that was introduced last week.

Largely, the complaints focused not around the fact that they have been asked to do more recycling, since as well educated Surrey residents presumably they understand the impact of excess rubbish on the planet and the limitations of landfill. No, their complaints were about the conduct of the contractor, Biffa, and how they handled and returned the small food bins and wheelie bins. There were also a few complaints about the manner of TDC staff when they had rung to make enquiries. And they were vitriolic.

Clearly, these people felt strongly, although it was very obvious in one or two cases that they hadn't read the leaflets which the Council provided to every household and so put their bins out at the wrong time. But whinging on Facebook isn't the answer; if you really feel strongly that you have received poor or not as advertised service the way to deal with it is to complain direct to the Council in a reasonable manner and not abuse the staff. Staff rudeness to callers is not acceptable, but after your tenth arrogant and unreasonable whinger naturally patience gets a little tried.

All local authorities have a well publicised complaints procedure which people should follow if there is something (anything) about which they feel they have a genuine grievance. Speaking as a local authority employee (although not locally here of course) I know that they do take complaints seriously and will do their best to rectify it. There are formal procedures for dealing with contractors that do not meet their contractual obligations, and disciplinary procedures to deal with staff that fail to give proper customer service.

Furthermore, all new procedures take a few weeks to bed in, and there will be teething troubles. To expect a new service to be perfect on week one is unrealistic.It won't take long, and where things crop up that are unforeseen problems believe it or not there are good professionals working in local councils who will sort things out.

Some comments also focused around what people considered would have been a better use of money, such as repairing potholes. But money for different services comes from different places. The County Council is responsible for roads and provides the lion's share of the funding, although they do have local depots which is what confuses people. The District Council is responsible for the rubbish from a different budget. But again perhaps if the complainers had bothered to a) get their facts straight and b) talk to the council instead of Facebook they would have known that. But then it's easy to moan isn't it, much harder to actually establish facts!? As a friend of mine says, never let facts get in the way of a good row!

I never thought I'd find myself defending the local authority, but the sheer unreasonableness of these people has driven me to it. STOP WHINGING Tandridgers, and if you have a genuine complaint deal with it properly by writing to the Council and not moaning on social media like some sort of closet internet Troll where things cannot be explained by people who are in position of the facts and where the organisation canot defend itself. Act like adults, why don't you?!

Sooooo dull!

At the present time I am quite staggeringly, mind numbingly, incredibly and totally bored.

I have checked all my e-mails, written various reports and documents that I needed to do, had all my meetings for the day and put a few pointless entries into my calendar. I’ve written a ‘To Do’ list which has several entries on it that I have already completed, just so I can cross them out straight away and feel good about it. I’ve rung a few people with dull, unimportant and routine enquiries and received incredulous answers that I am even bothering. Yes, you’ve got it, I’m VERY bored!

Despite the fact that I have several projects on the go and am supervising a vast amount of work which will have a major impact when it is completed, I haven’t myself been terribly busy for a while now. I put that down to the fact that I am a superb delegator and set myself realistic deadlines for achievement which mean I am not constantly rushing, and also that I manage efficient teams well so that they are on top of their work so there isn’t a crisis. Or it could just be that there isn’t much to do. My vote is on the first option!

Some respite is gained by the fact that I sit by the window, and so am able to glance out with increasing frequency and watch the world go by, or at least the portion of it that is permitted within the hallowed boundaries of the Royal Borough. Generally, that portion is well dressed, well mannered and well behaved. No oiks here, you know! We do get the occasional occurrence of road rage where someone is taking too long to park their Chelsea Tractor into a space marginally too small for it and a jam has built up behind them, but that’s about it.

There isn’t even any drama in reception; it seems even poor people in Kensington are well behaved even if some of them do smell a bit. When I worked in Crawley someone punching the glass out was a reasonably frequent occurrence, especially if they had just been told they didn’t qualify for benefit or a council house, but nothing like that ever happens here. We did once have a fraudster who was a bloke dressed as a woman trying to get housing benefit out that wasn’t his; the cashier got suspicious and he legged it, frock, high heels and all, through reception and a security door into the main offices. The fact that we are still talking about it four years on shows you that nothing else much has happened since!

There’s a limit to how inventive you can be sitting at your desk to find work to do. I do browse Facebook or the web sometimes, but my boss sits behind me so I can’t do that too often. It’s OK to write this because I do it in Word so it looks like it’s work and official, but even then I have to access the web to post it onto the blog site so can’t do that too often either. Internet shopping is out too, as it’s obvious that isn’t work! It would almost be easier if we didn’t have unlimited access to the web (provided it’s not porn, gambling or something else dodgy we can pretty much view what we like) as then the temptation wouldn’t be there.

There’s nothing else for it. I started writing this at 3.30pm and I am simply going to have to go home at four.

Oops hang on, there’s something happening outside the window…..

Facebook - the ups and downs!

For the first time the other day, I 'unfriended' someone on Facebook. I am under no illusions that people may have unfriended me on occasion, and as I haven't noticed then I probably don't care and to be frank it's their loss, but it's not something I would choose to do lightly.


The reason I unfriended this person was because of their increasing use of really foul language in their postings (if they are reading this, I will probably get a nasty message back!). Not just an acerbic tone or outrageous view on the world, but because they were becoming heavily littered with anger, frequent uses of the 'F' word and other quite unpleasant words or phrases, and the final straw was the use of the most offensive word of all, the 'C' word used in a posting about someone else the other day.


I'm not a prude and never have been. We all, me included, use blasphemy occasionally in our postings when we feel strongly and the intermittent 'bloody' or something similar doesn't offend me. Nor do outrageous or strong views; after all that's one of the purposes of this blog - to put my views out there and get a reaction - but using really strong language on a frequent basis on a public network just to be clever, because you lack the imagination to write something more eloquent or just because you can, I do find offensive. I have been known to walk out of movies where there is too much bad language when I feel that it has been put in just to shock and adds nothing, because I really do dislike it. And after a while, it loses it's impact and just becomes something rather pathetic.


So its fine to express yourself forcefully, but take care how you do it. And also beware that what is in writing is usable as a case for libel.


The other downside of Facebook is, of course, that everyone knows your business, and you can't write about anything on it which everyone who is your 'Friend' doesn't already know about. Someone I know was caught out the other week when mentioning a party to which I hadn't been invited. I wouldn't really have expected to be, I don't really mind and I pulled their leg about it gently, but that might not have been the case and I could well have been very upset. I think I am made of tougher stuff and have had far worse knock backs in my life, but you get the picture.


So social networking sites have their downsides, and it is important to be aware of them. I will continue using them, and if you don't like what I say I will understand perfectly if you unfriend me, but things like Facebook and MySpace and Twitter will all work much better if we have consideration for others and think carefully about what we write, using the media appropriately. Not everyone will have enough judgement, but let's keep hoping.


Who said the modern Mary Whitehouse? Now there's a thought!