Today is my oldest daughter’s birthday. She has her own daughter now, who this year will be four. She is now 24, and all that makes me feel about 124.
I don’t normally worry about my age. Yes, occasionally when I feel ill or a bit down I sink into my armchair and decide I am officially old, with all the aches and pains that go with it, but usually I still feel like I have a mental age of 30 and a physical age of 20. Both of which I think are the prime of life these days.
But occasions like grown up children’s birthdays really do make you think about your advancing years. Realistically, at 51 my life is probably at best half and at worse about three quarters over. If I’m really unlucky, I will get some awful disease in my fifties and go to my maker before I hit sixty. I will have been cheated, and will have achieved nothing I want to.
I have all sorts of plans for the next few decades, and I’m not ready to shuffle off this mortal coil any time soon. I want to write more, either professionally or for my own entertainment, I want to paint more for my own pleasure (arty farty paintings, not DIY, and abstract not real stuff as I have no sense of perspective) not because I’m any good at it but because I enjoy it, I want to travel and I want to go and live in the sun and have a good few years there. And I want to stop work, because I hate it and it’s such a f*****g waste of time – no one cares and it makes no difference!
The Hubby is much more reluctant than I to make a life changing decision like living abroad, and his family background has been much more conservative than mine, so he will find it a bigger leap. And he loves his job, believing (poor deluded soul) that local government really does make a difference to people’s lives and isn’t actually full of incompetent, bigoted prats out for self aggrandisement. But with each advancing birthday the time left to us reduces and you only get one shot at things, there is no second bite at the cherry. So we need to grasp the nettle and take the plunge if we want to do something (I’m sure I could fit a few more clichés in there if I tried hard enough!).
My children are both adults now. By this summer, they will both have completed their degrees, hopefully successfully, and both will (also hopefully) be working and making their own way in life; in short, they will be independent. One of The Hubby’s boys is already living with his girlfriend and working full time, the other is just finishing his first year at Uni after working and travelling for a year, and the youngest is just starting his final year at college before going travelling and then setting up his own photography business with a mate. At least, that’s the plan. So in three years time, they will all be out there making their own way and we will have no ties beyond financial ones.
So depending upon what happens with work, pensions and Greece, there is nothing to stop us in somewhere between five to ten years time upping sticks and living abroad for most of the year. If we are to get there, a lot of hard work and a youthful outlook is needed, so I cannot afford to sit around moping that I am getting old. I could well have forty to fifty more years ahead of me and I have to be positive that I am going to make it.
I guess only time will tell.
Yeah, I can feel exactly the same way about age. I still believe I'm 30, although sometimes my body has to remind me that I'm actually 54. I too, have lots of plans for my remaining years and most of the time I'm very upbeat about my chances of a long and healthy life. Sometimes though, either reading about someone of a similar age contracting cancer, or hearing about a fifty-something keeling over with a heart attack, I get a bit morose. My kids keep me active and having a 10, 5 and 2 year old can work both ways. They make me feel young when I realise that most men of my age have married off their daughters, but can make me feel old when I can't jump on the trampoline like I used too (doesn't stop me trying though). I believe age is directly related to your outlook on life and your physical and mental activity. I want to still be skiing when I'm 80 and solving cryptic crosswords when I'm 90. Most of the time I'm convinced that will be the case, but sometimes I do fear it won't.
ReplyDelete