Snoring - a heinous accusation !

Apparently I snore.

Naturally I dispute this heinous allegation and in fact could level exactly the same one at the person who is accusing me, namely The Hubby (well who else would it be?), who snorts away best part of the night flat on his back and incredibly resistant to all but the most vicious pokes in his ribs to make him turn over.

I certainly never used to snore, and in fact gave only the most ladylike of snorts on the odd occasion when I had a bad cold or sinusitis, or possibly when I had consumed a glass of wine or two too many. But not on any other occasion and certainly not in the high decibel range of which I am being accused.

I do sleep incredibly badly, which is why I am always tired. And that has got worse as I have gained weight and got older. I read somewhere that a bad sleeping pattern was one of the most debilitating symptoms of menopause and one of the most common causes of depression. So watch out! And it makes you fatter, because you are too tired to do anything constructive about eating healthily and instead eat comfort food.

The Hubby is also, of course, reluctant to accept that he snores fit to wake the dead, proclaiming with total confidence that he has been lying awake for most of the night listening to me. Utter nonsense and one of these days I am going to record him on my mobile phone and play it back to him in the morning (although on second thoughts he might do the same thing to me, which could be a bit of a backward step for my argument if he is telling the truth, so maybe not).

There’s nothing else for it, I will have to buy some earplugs and get a large enough supply for The Hubby to have some too. You can buy an incredible array of them on e-Bay, as I discovered last night when searching through for something, anything, which will allow me to sleep uninterrupted as best I am able. Foam, rubber, perspex and in all sorts of shapes and colours (yes, this is earplugs, not anything else more seedy or for use in any other orifice, which would be too much information even for this blog!). I am just about to purchase a massive pack of yellow foam ones for a fiver which market themselves as being ‘the best available’. We’ll see.

Snoring is a very odd thing isn’t it? Why would nature design our throats with such an obvious flaw? There is all sorts of science around snoring, including nose strips, machines which mean you have to wear a mask all night and have cold air artificially blown down your throat to keep the soft palate open and old wives remedies involving sleeping in a pyjama jacket with clothes pegs or tennis balls sown into the back seam. They all sound incredibly uncomfortable.

I don’t think the problem is that bad, so earplugs it will have to be and we will see if it makes any difference. I can’t tell you how wearing it is to be permanently tired because you wake up every two or three hours, struggle to get back to sleep and never get an uninterrupted eight hours. It turns you into a proper witch and yes, you can tell the difference between that and my normal sweet natured state, all you rude people out there!

I’ll give them a try for a few weeks and then let you all know how I get on – although you might be able to tell for yourselves !!