I know that my way of doing and saying things can occasionally seem rather blunt to some people, and has in the past been annoying. Throughout my life I have regularly been accused of being insensitive, brash, rude and arrogant in my opinions. I think I am straightforward and honest. Sometimes I am bothered by what people think of me, but more often not; most people’s opinions have no more value than mine and I hold the vast majority of the human race in pretty low regard.
Very occasionally I get it wrong, and much less often I regret it. But the thing is I am fully aware of what people think of me. When that bothers me, and there are a few people whose friendship, views and opinions I value, I make the effort to get to know them and make them understand how I tick and when I do mess up, I apologise. However most people of my acquaintance don’t bother to get to know the real person underneath the façade and so have a one sided view which they then pronounce as being the full picture. This totally annoys The Hubby, who sees the pussy cat beneath and gets irritated when others don’t bother to try. But then he is biased.
In my teams at work at the moment I have one person who totally lacks self awareness, and there is someone else that I deal with on a daily basis who is the same. These individuals have absolutely no idea how their chosen vocabulary, tone and/or body language appears to others and they blissfully go through life unburdened by worries about what others have thought or felt.
They must be happier than me, and their consciences must be clear of causing offence, anxiety or concern. They drift along talking to others inappropriately, raising their voice and invading personal space, without a thought about how the individual they are dealing with feels and if they knew, they wouldn’t understand it. I know for instance that my member of staff is a very tall person who tends to stand too close to people when he talks to them, which intimidates the female colleagues he has to work with to the extent that they now avoid contact with him when possible. He is totally unaware of this, and wouldn’t believe it if I told him. He thinks he is doing nothing wrong.
I fail to understand how anyone who has been brought up with even a basic understanding of good manners can be so dense. It is one thing to know, to understand and not care, but quite another to be ignorant. I firmly believe that regardless of how much we may value some solitude and ‘me’ time, the human race is hardwired to be gregarious and live in communal society and part of our success as a species has to be an innate understanding of how to interact and connect effectively with others. Survival of the fittest is one thing, but united we stand is stronger.
I don’t believe anyone goes through life purposely to upset or distress others unless they are mentally ill or a serial killer, and I usually do try to moderate my behaviour to get what I want. Quite often, I succeed. Knowing how to deal with those that are unaware of their behaviour is a real problem, because even if you explain it is beyond their understanding. And knowing when to apologise and eat humble pie when you get it wrong is a skill that is invaluable, and which many more people could do with learning.
I have had to deal with the 'self-unaware' many times during my lifetime and really all it comes down to is basic manners. Also I believe that many people use their antagonistic approach as a defence mechanism. I believe that I am aware of most people's opinion of me most of the time and I am always concious of stepping on toes and hurting feelings. In fact, I am probably too careful. My main fault is that sometimes I don't speak up plainly even if the true hurts. I have often got into situations where I have been too even-handed and being more direct would have been better. Also, it is one thing to be brash and arrogant over an opinion, that is everyone's prerogative. It is quite another to be so minded over facts and feelings where genuine hurt can be caused by ones insensitivity.
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