It's not a scheduled appointment, I don’t do those, but I have a nasty pain at the back of my mouth where the wisdom tooth is and it won't go away. I don't think it's the tooth - if it were I would be jumping around in agony - but it's either a humungous ulcer or an abscess and it hurts.
I haven’t been to the dentist for ages. I am not afraid of drills or needles, but I simply don’t like all those nasty metal implements in my mouth; the very sight of them makes me gag. And those unpleasant things they shove into your mouth to take x-rays are no-no’s altogether. Nothing is guaranteed to get me out of that dentist’s chair quicker than the sight of those rectangular pieces of plastic which they put into each cheek.
Generally speaking, my gnashers are in pretty good shape. Nice and white and strong. I brush regularly and thoroughly, and never have nasties such as bleeding gums. I have all my teeth except one which I cracked eating a particularly large, hard pork scratching a few years ago (I’m such a sophisticate!), very few fillings and no damaged enamel - for an old girl of 50, that’s not bad going.
Even more than the dentist, I hate the hygienist. Why on earth would I pay extra to sit there while some woman scrapes away at my teeth and gums, makes them bleed and gives me a lecture into the bargain. “Your gums are full of plaque, Mrs White, look, they’re bleeding” she says smugly as she pushes a sharp implement into aforementioned gums. Yes, they damn well are now, you sadistic cow!
I suppose if I went to the dentist regularly I would avoid having to go in an emergency, but I’m always hopeful that anything will clear up in its own time with plentiful applications of Corsodyl and Bonjela. I’ve been to Boots today and stocked up on the dental first aid just to give it my best shot before taking extreme measures and parting with my money. I have deliberately made the appointment for two weeks time in the hope that self medication will work this time too, in the knowledge that if it doesn’t and it gets worse they will always find you an emergency slot and by then I will be in so much pain that I won’t care what they do as long as they help me.
I suppose there are some nice dentists (in fact I know there are as I know one or two socially) but as soon as I see them with that little mirror and sharp pointy thing in their hands they all assume the air of Jack the Ripper in my mind, leering at you from behind their plastic mask and tilting the chair back so there is no escape from their evil clutches. If I ever need serious work done on my teeth, they will have to knock me out with huge quantities of gas.
So for the next fortnight I will be administering my over the counter remedies assiduously and psyching myself up for a possible torture session. I will let you know how I get on!
Honestly, does anyone actually like going to the dentist? It is just one of those things that we are forced to endure from time to time. Ever since seeing Marathon Man at the movies, I'm convinced that all dentists are direct descendants of Josef Mengele and as for hygienists, they are the spawn of Satan himself. My dentist is a blonde so visits are not so bad! The mystery for me is why anybody would chose dentistry as a career? For me it is right up there with chiropody and sewage worker as 'jobs to be avoided at all costs'. The whole idea of spending my working life poking around someone's choppers knowing that you are one of the most hated creatures on earth is frankly beyond me.
ReplyDeleteI think they choose it because they know they will make money. There can't be any other reason - surely?
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