Health and Safety

David Cameron has been in the news this week telling us all that he is going to relax some of the useless rules we have in Britain around Health and Safety.

Well, good on yer Dave, if you really do it. Somehow I doubt it will come to much; there will be some ridiculous protocol or something which says that what we want to change we can't, or the red tape involved in doing so will take so long to unravel that anyone but the most dedicated would give up in disgust. Or something more pressing, such as the country going broke, will take precedence. And don't forget the powerful Elfin Safety Lobby - you know, the ones that shout if a child picks up a conker or there is a pebble on the pavement they might trip over.

Middle England has a lot to answer for here, because they are the ones that over protect their kids and won't touch anything unless it has a patent safety device fitted to it which has been accredited by various expensive and usually useless national associations. Lower England can't be arsed between the footie and the bingo, and Upper England is off its head with cocaine and has staff to do things for them, so they don't care. But in the squeezed middle we all wrap our kids, and also ourselves, up in cotton wool too much and are unwilling to accept the consequences of our own actions, which we ought to take personal responsibility for. 

Of course there must be safeguards in life. Things must be fit for purpose and reasonable precautions taken so that our possessions or the things we use cannot damage or injure us, and that the things we do are safe. But you cannot legislate for everything; we all have the ability to make choices and arrange our own lives and we simply must be more prepared to take responsibility for ourselves and not let the state do it all for us, then sue someone if something goes wrong.  

Much of the legislation governing this is European and will be difficult to change. So in theory all of Europe ought to be as up themselves about it as the Brits are. But they aren't. Whenever you go to Europe you will see examples all the time of things which simply wouldn't happen in the UK because of our anal approach to health and safety. Roadworks without barriers (we fence off everything for 300 yards it seems), seaside promenades without barriers (ours are made of iron and look like prison bars, and do their utmost to keep you off the beach which is why you have come there in the first place) festivals and events with exciting activities which you would have to wear protective helmets and luminous clothing for in the UK but which people simply go along to and enjoy and, by and large, if they get hurt shrug their shoulders and accept it's been their choice to do it. As long as you are aware of the dangers, then if you chose to go ahead it's your picnic! It's a much free-er, less bureaucratic and healthy approach altogether - they have the legislation, but they take a much more relaxed approach to it.

I work at home twice a week, and I have been supplied with a nice little laptop and mobile phone to do so. I have also had to undertake four on line tests about my working environment, the equipment and my eyesight, just so my employer can tick a box to say it has fulfilled its obligations with regard to health and safety. It's daft, and I lied anyway. Of course I don't sit at a special workstation with dedicated space, I work at the dining table surrounded by the detritus of ordinary life and four cats, in an inadequate chair which I pad with cushions so it's the right height. If I get RSI, I will still claim for it!

I'm off now to do a dress rehearsal for the panto. I will wear costumes which have to be checked for flammability, walk past scenery ditto, avoid thunder flashes which could set my (non flammable) costume on fire and throw sweets at small childern which have to be wrapped so they are sterile and must be above a certain size so they couldn't lodge themselves in one of the little brats' eyes. The insideous health and safety gremlin gets everywhere, even into something as centuries old as panto.

Perhaps I could consign the Health and Safety Inspectors to the dungeon where the baddie usually gets put, which has no windows, rats and no proper ventilation. The floor would be uneven and water would drop from the ceiling onto their inadequately prepared food from a kitchen with no food hygiene certificate. I bet health and safety would soon cease to become their foremost worry then!